I may have to buy them

So, my theory about the upcoming original Star Wars trilogy release on DVD goes like this: Lucas’s ex-wife, I’ve heard, owns a piece of the originals, which is why they’ve never been re-released (this doesn’t quite make sense, as Lucas was divorced in 1984, and there were LD releases as late as the mid ’90s, but be that as it may). But so many people want to see the originals that it’s an irresistable income opportunity. Enter some bright lawyer, who suggests that by including the originals as "extras" on another DVD release of the molested versions, there is no actual revenue associated with the originals.

A cheesy what, now?

England has all the good snack names. Where else could you be fined for throwing a Cheesy Wotsit out your car window? The picture gives me to understand they’re Really Cheesy. Wouldn’t we all rather be scarfing down Cheesy Wotsits than Cheetos? I mean, really.

A Diverting Time-Slip

The LIST of magical ILLUSIONS performed by a man claiming to be the ILLUSTRIOUS Professor Phillippe, as reproduced by the FANTASTICAL illusioner and historian RICKY JAY in his volume Extraordinary Exhibitions which, while in fact originating in 1858, seems very much like a LIST or PIECE of HUMOR as written by the TREMENDOUS John Hodgeman in his MASTERPIECE of HILARITY, The Areas of My Expertise:
1. The Rivington Pike Filtration Trick
Or a Magical Illustration of how Dirty Water may be made Clean.
2. The Borough Bank Trick!
Or how to Extract Money from Vanity, or cause it to come through closed doors at will.
3. The Magical Municipal Election
or how to find the right man in the right position.
4. The Universal Happiness Trick
Of how to make Everyone contented, all things pleasant, and good fortune to be the lot of all.
5. Ladies’ Secrets Discovered
Yes, & Gentlemen’s Also.

"upheaval"?

“Apart from the Eucharist and liturgies in Coptic, the most sacred symbol in the Coptic Church is the cross, including a tattooed cross on the right wrist. Originally the tattoo was an identification mark so that Coptic children would not be mistaken for Muslims in times of upheaval. In modern times the cross has become a powerful mark of Christian identity in Egypt.”

Worldmark Encyclopedia of Religious Practices, v. 1 p. 163