Here are the top five cover stories that alternative papers should avoid in order to prevent irate parents from complaining that the paper is in the library lobby where their six year old could see it, based on a true incident involving Seattle Weekly cover art that featured the words “Fuck School.”

Santa Claus: We Prove He Isn’t Real
Matches: Super Fun
Plastic Bags: the New Hip Toy
The Best Ways to Kick and Punch Friends and Family
Five-Second Rule? More Like Five Minutes!

An important safety tip when changing out your steering wheel:

Store the air bag in a safe area with the bag portion facing upwards. This will prevent launching of the air bag assembly in case of accidental deployment.

I’m not sure I can explain why I find minipops so charming. They’re just very very small, yet still recognizable.

Instead of finishing a bunch of novels last month, I read some current and back issues of my very favorite magazine, Fortean Times. I feel that it helps me appreciate the glorious variety of people and things in the world.

From the October 2006 issue (FT214), page 42, in the article “Big Cats on the Border” about tracking sightings of exotic big cats along the border between Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland:

“On Monday, we headed off to Dublin Zoo, where we interviewed head keeper Gerry Creighton. Gerry is a career big cat man, and was involved with the legal seizure in 1997 of a jaguar and serval from a private owner who kept them in his garage and walked the jaguar on a lead around a local housing estate at night. These animals were subsequently placed in English zoos.”

and on page 44:

“At present, the [Ulster Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals] provides homes for six tigers, a pair of lions, a leopard and three wolves that have all been acquired from private owners.”

The international symbols are now easily available from AIGA. No need to resort to alleged English-Hungarian phrase books.